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Four New Things for the New Year

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Stop.   Think.   Choose.   Do.

You’ve come through Christmas ok, haven’t you?  Kept your mouth shut when you wanted to speak out?  Went home before the same old quarrel kicked into gear?  Dreading going back to work to face the bully again?

Are you always going to be like that?  Avoiding speaking out when you want to, because you fear causing trouble or hurt feelings?   How heavy is that load that you’re carrying – resentments, “should haves”, “should not haves”, “wish I coulds”, “which he woulds”?  Don’t you sometimes wish there’s a different way to be?  Where the tension that creeps up your spine is a thing of the past?  Where you stop revisiting the conversation you just had, adding the bits you wish you’d said?

Here’s what you can do for yourself in 2016

When you end up in a disagreement or argument with someone

(And you will – we all do)

Stop. Think.

  1. What set you off? Did something trigger you?
  2. What assumptions are you making? Are you quite sure that what you consider to be facts are the undisputable facts?
  3. What about the other person – what do you assume is going on in their heads?
  4. What do you think triggered them?
  5. What are the assumptions you think they made about you?
  6. What are the consequences of not settling the disagreement? (If you just walked away, or if you insisted on engaging and trying to resolve it.)

Choose.  Do.

Don’t take on the burden of always being right in silence.

Take a small risk.

Practice curiosity: the other person may be waiting for you to open the door – they may be as nervous of taking the first step as you are.

Don’t choose to freeze in limbo.

Move into choice and action.

2016 could be the best year ever.

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