How do we see other people? I know so many people who say ‘I don’t like conflict…I avoid conflict….’, and yet I’ve heard them talk about other people in ways that invites particular behaviours – behaviours that reinforce their (usually negative) perception of those other people.
We create our own conflicts typically without consciously intending to, and then we’re surprised when we discover that other people have seen us in ways we don’t think are true. If I see you as a lesser being; if I see you as an object; it is much easier to feel justified in how I characterise and judge you.
I’ve been a fan of the Arbinger Institute for a long time, and was therefore very pleased to come across this TED talk by Jim Ferrell, co-founder. I first discovered the Arbinger way of looking at, understanding and resolving conflict when I bought and read their book “Leadership and Self-Deception”. I recognised some of the people in my life right away and wanted to send them complimentary copies. It took me a bit longer to see myself.
Ferrell’s talk is only 19.03 minutes in length. Get a sandwich and a cup of coffee and learn a great deal in a short space of time.